Although reading this title may give you the inclination that I am an expert in this category, I assure you, I am probably one of the worst at it. That isn’t to say I can’t see into it and give good advice, I just can’t seem to put it into practice.
This however, is such an important chapter in the guide to getting by. Having a support system, and people who care about you, knowing full well exactly who you are, is so essential to happiness.
The past three years have been some of the hardest I’ve ever lived through. I’ve lost countless friends, entered unfulfilling relationships and found out how much I can really hate myself. However, I have opened my eyes a little bit wider in the process. I realize that I have made mistakes and I can take ownership of my choices. I know that my relationship with myself has never been exactly positive and I want to change that. I have come to realize that my family will always be there.
That doesn’t lessen the heartbreak of opening my phone and coming across old photos with close friends, and remembering all the times we shared together. It doesn’t hinder the blow of knowing that I hurt them. Bad. And I can’t fix it. It doesn’t remove the late night laughs, smiles and promises that will forever haunt me. It doesn’t fix the damage I’ve done to myself in the process of losing these amazing people.
Although I can’t fix or change the past, I know the future is unwritten. I choose how my story goes from now on, and I will cherish the relationships I have. I will tell my new friends why I act the way I do, and sometimes I need space to protect them. I will confide in them about my darkness, and if it’s meant to be they’ll stay. I will never take anyone for granted ever again, because I know the pain of losing the people who once were the biggest part of my life. Because now they don’t know a thing about me. How I am, what I’m doing, how much I miss them and long to reach out and tell them everything.
Everything happens for a reason. I’m a huge believer in this. I have learned so much from my days of insecurity and being completely unstable and unwilling to help myself. Meaningful relationships can happen any time, in any place, under any circumstance. You just have to let good things happen to you, and try new things! Relationships prosper under honesty, love and mutual respect. I will never forget that.
I know this may have been a different post than you may have expected, however I hope that you can still take something from it. Getting by is one thing, and doing it alone is another. Don’t be as foolish and reckless with the people you love as I was.
Never stop fighting for something great. You don’t want to lose something because of your pride getting in the way. You’re better than that.