Its been a tough week. I’ve been realizing that some things are final, and will never really come back, no matter how much your heart aches. No matter how much you cry about it. No matter how much it hurts. But sometimes, that’s okay. Sometimes it happened because it has to. Because if it didn’t, you’d be worse off or not be the person you are today. No matter how upset you are, no matter for how long, it taught you something really important.
I mean, isn’t that what life is about? Learning, growth and moving on? Why is it so much harder some days than others? I guess we’ll never know. What I do know is I feel as though I’ve suffered so many losses in the past five years that at one point, I didn’t know if I could keep going. I thought that everything would just keep getting worse until it drove me insane. I lost my confidence, my spirit, whatever self-love I had, and the love of others along with that. At some point, it has to get easier, right?
Wrong. Every once and a while I find myself returning to the dark places I once thought I was finally rid of. Places where I tell myself that everything that isn’t okay is my fault. It doesn’t let up, for days or weeks. This darkness is what really scares me into thinking I might never really be okay again.
If you’re reading this and can relate to my experiences, I hope you’re doing okay. Sincerely, because I know exactly how dark it can get. Although some days are better than others, it’s just so important to try to take care of yourself and do whatever you can to heal. It’s not always rational, doesn’t have to be, sometimes you know you shouldn’t feel the way you do but you can’t help it. Let yourself feel, reach out for help and do everything in your power to make your life feel worthwhile again. It can happen, and I’m working towards it too.
Sorry for a post about less hopeful things, but we all have days where it is harder to see the silver lining and I am having that kind of day. Thank you for giving me an outlet and support, it means the world.
Lots of love,