When I Can’t Sleep.

You ever just lie in bed and overthink everything that has ever happened to you? Sometimes it’s really hard to turn your mind off for a minute and just get the relaxation you truly need. Tonight is one of those nights.

Nothing specifically is bothering me right now, I just can’t find it in me to sleep. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to not fight the constant battle of remembering and feeling past pain and feeling all the sadness that once was there. Sometimes I wonder if things were different if I’d feel as happy as I do right now. Sometimes I wonder if I was blessed with the bad things, because it has lead me to a better place and made me a better person.

All that considered, I truly have found some happiness and balance in my life, finally. I guess that’s why I haven’t been posting as much, because I figure I have to write about my sadness and struggles. But this isn’t true! Although writing is usually an outlet for the bad feelings for me, I think it’s also therapeutic to write about the good. So here I am.

I finally understand the value of positive friendship, and feeling fulfilled with where I am going with life. I think it took me so long and feeling so lost for a while so that I would truly appreciate what is happening/what is to come. I used to take everything for granted in life, and that has really changed. I think finding purpose is really hard for a lot of people, and I am very blessed to know what I want to do at a relatively young age. As far as my friendships go, I have recently met some of my favourite people in life, and understand what it’s like to be accepted and loved. A once foreign concept to me.

So, a short post, nonetheless something I needed to say. I’ll try to post more often, even if I find the things I’m writing about to be a little more positive than my usual writing. I hope that is okay with you!

If you are struggling right now, and reading this makes you feel a little lost and sad because you can’t relate, I hope that you know I used to feel that way once. I would compare myself relentlessly to others that seemed to have everything together (which I don’t, I don’t think anyone truly does). I used to be hopeless and in such a dark place I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover, but one day I decided I would try. That day changed my life, and it can happen for anyone who believes in themselves. Although life has a funny way of knocking us down, everything happens for a reason and usually makes you a stronger version of yourself. Please don’t give up on yourself, you are amazing and will find your way.

I love you, keep pushing through! And if you’re feeling like you’re in a good place, I am so happy for you.

Xoxo,

Kate.

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